My Utmost 3/4/19

Reading the above is a hard thing for us independent types to grasp. We like being in control of ourself, our lives. I can tell you, control is an illusion.

Not as in self control, keeping yourself in check and not acting unseemly….but the control we think we have over external situations and circumstance is a false sense.

We read over and over, surrender. Give it over to Christ to control. Think about that. Take your time.

For me, that is super difficult.

To paraphrase “once God tells you your mission, that memory will push you onward and even past your own common sense”. Several times in my life, God did things that were impossible and took my breath away because in my heart, even though I knew what His answer to the situation was, I had said in my heart “that is never gon happen P”

“Never consider if you are of use, but simply that you are not your own”

Are you willing to be poured out like wine in the sand? This is a very hard thing to come to grips with. Something I struggle with moment to moment. But, if you remember that “all things work together for good to those who serve according to his purpose” then whatever happens is good….somehow…..this is so hard for me right now.

Some may remember, I declared in January 2018 that “This is the year to begin prepping me, the man, for what may come.” My mom was diagnosed in February and that year, until January 2019, was indeed about prepping me….but not in the way I planned. I had prayed that prayer expecting training and learning. What it ended up being was training my mind to handle tragedy, pain, remorse and confusion. It was training me to surrender and put my life into the hands of a omnipotent and omnipresent God.

“If there is one strand of faith amidst all of the corruption inside us, God will take hold of that one strand”

At one point, not long ago, my life I felt was hanging by a thread. I hide it (in person anyway) well but I though I was coming apart. That one tiny strand that was left, was Him, holding me, shaping me, loving me.

I am better. I am stronger. I have a renewed strength and resolve. I am fighting the carnal and embracing the spirit. I have asked Him to sweep this house and clean it out and come to live here again without all the clutter.

Clarity.

Focus.

Willingness.

Psalm 23 (KJV)

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.